Valentine
by ciaan
Summary: Inter-cultural communication can be very difficult.  Aqualad, Superboy, Miss Martian, Artemis.


Kaldur walked up from the harbor and in through the back entrance of Mount Justice. Superboy and M'gann were sitting at the large conference table in the main meeting room. The table was covered in piles of red and pink paper and cut flowers. Both of them looked up at him and M'gann waved cheerfully. Superboy bent his head again, returning to cutting paper, frowning in concentration. Kaldur approached the messy table a little gingerly, unsure what they were doing.

"We're making these for Superman!" M'gann told him when he got closer. "So that he'll like Superboy. It always works on TV."

Kaldur saw that Superboy was cutting the red paper into the shape that represented the heart in land iconography. There must be a ritual involving these papers that was supposed to change the emotions in Superman's heart. Kaldur hoped that it was not too forceful or invasive. He couldn't countenance any inappropriate actions against a hero.

"This way he'll really know how much Superboy cares," M'gann continued. Ahh. It was merely a communicative gesture. "And then he'll come around."

Superboy set down the heart-shape that he had completed and picked up a new piece of paper. This one was pink and he began cutting it into an identical heart-shape. The tip of his tongue peeked out between his lips. Then he pressed the scissors down too hard and they snapped, rending the paper and destroying its form. Superboy growled and flung the scissors away to embed in the wall on the far side of the room.

Kaldur placed a hand lightly on his shoulder for a second. "We have more equipment. I will help you, too." Superboy looked up at him and his frown lessened for an instant. Kaldur fetched another pair of scissors and sat down at the table.

He and M'gann began making something she called 'pressed flowers' out of some of the blossoms. She flattened them with her telekinesis while he drew all the water out of them and left them desiccated. Once dried they remained flat, their petals even more delicate than before.

"Could you do that to a person?" Superboy asked curiously.

"Yes," Kaldur replied. "But I would not, for it would kill them."

"No, of course," M'gann agreed. She began gluing some of the pressed flowers onto a paper heart.

Artemis walked into the room then and noticed what they were doing. "It's a little early for Valentine's Day, isn't it?" She grinned. "Who are those for?"

"They are for Superman," Superboy answered. "So that he will like me. It's from TV."

Her smile faltered. "Uh. That's " She glanced around at the three of them and sighed. "Yeah, no. You probably don't want to give those to Superman. Not the right impression. That would be incest, you know?"

"Ah, then this is a courtship ritual?" Kaldur asked.

"In cest?" M'gann sounded out the word slowly, her face scrunching in confusion.

"You're not supposed to have sex with your family," Artemis said.

"But we keep very good records," M'gann answered. Artemis just blinked at her a few times. Kaldur supposed it made sense; shapeshifters would have a different understanding of genetics.

Superboy frowned again. "I don't understand. Reproduction has already occurred between Superman and me and it was not sexual because it didn't involve combining DNA with anyone else. I just want him to talk to me."

Artemis shook her head slowly. "And that's why you shouldn't do this. A valentine would mean you like like him. Romantically. Sexually. You d be saying you want to tap that ass."

"But the ass is not part of the reproductive system. And what do you mean by tap? Hit? I would enjoy sparring with him."

At that Artemis dropped her face into her hands and shook her head again.

"Sex is not merely a matter of reproduction," Kaldur said. "It is a source of physical pleasure and a way to build emotional intimacy between individuals. I believe that is what Artemis means by romance."

"That's what I want!" Superboy growled.

"A very specific kind of emotional intimacy," Kaldur attempted to clarify. "One that would hinder your goal of having a closer familial relationship with Superman." He looked at Artemis. "It's good that you arrived. You and Superman share a culture more than the rest of us do."

"You really shouldn't believe anything you see on TV. Or read online," Artemis answered, starting to snicker now.

"Oh, I get it!" M'gann looked up from contemplating the paper hearts. "It symbolizes that you'll present your mate with the dismembered hearts of your fallen rivals." She clutched her hands to her chest and looked giddy.

"No, noooo," Artemis answered slowly. "It's supposed to mean that you're giving them your heart. Which is where love supposedly resides."

"But without your heart you'd be dead." M'gann tilted her head thoughtfully. "I guess that's why it's made out of paper?"

"So I'm supposed to give these to someone if I want to be closer to them, but not to Superman?" Superboy asked.

"Yes, exactly." Artemis appeared to be wishing that she had never walked into this conversation.

Superboy picked up one of the paper hearts and turned and held it out to Kaldur. Kaldur accepted it from him.

"We're a little young to be married, though," Kaldur said, just to be sure, because this was apparently a courtship ritual and he didn t want to have accidentally promised anything before witnesses. Superboy just looked at him blankly.

"Of course!" M'gann squealed. "I should be giving my heart to my sister and brothers of battle." Three of the paper hearts rose up with her telekinesis and flew toward each of them. Kaldur caught the one from her and placed it atop the one from Superboy. Superboy glared slightly at his as it whirled through the air toward him but still held on to it. Artemis stared bemusedly at the paper in her hand. "Should I give them to Robin and Wally, too?" M'gann asked.

Artemis's head snapped up. "No! Definitely not. You shouldn't even let them see any of this."

Kaldur understood. Robin would laugh at the others' ignorance of these customs. And he could not let M'gann unknowingly do something which might make Wally believe they were somehow betrothed.

As Kaldur stood and began to clean off the table, he planned the types of seashells he would start bringing to his teammates the next day, in order to reciprocate and make his feelings clear. 


End file.
